How do I make my husband see, that his lack of belief and support in my Fibromyalgia Condition is damaging to our relationship?
There’s only one thing you can do: educate, educate, and educate. Show him websites about it, tell him about it, explain to him how it influences your life.
There’s only one thing you can do if he refuses to listen: just leave him.
I’ve got an invisible and untraceable illness too. Mine is called Ehlers Danlos and due to firstly the limited amount they know about it, secondly the fact that they decided to diagnose it on basis of 7 symptoms, and thirdly the absence of most of those symptoms in me, I don’t have the official diagnosis.
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My wife had a lot of trouble accepting it too. And I’ve got to admit: it is hard to accept. I am a very vivacious and lively woman, I move with purpose, I talk with purpose, come across as very lively, loud talker, loud laugher, when the music is playing I sit here swinging on my chair. So suddenly when household stuff comes up I’m sick? Hm-hm.
So yes, explaining explaining explaining
- Explaining that one test said I only have 15 % of the normal amount of energy. And anything under 70 is problematic.
- Explaining that I worked very hard to get out of borderline so I could live my life. And I did not do all that to waste the rest of my life laying on the couch as I am doing now.
- Explaining that it’s no choice but a necessity.
- Explaining that not having the diagnosis does not mean that I don’t have it, because of the two things I mentioned above.
- Explaining that I am sick, regardless of whether the scientists are able to pinpoint WHY I am sick.
And then she’d ostensibly be satisfied and the subject would be settled for a while and then it would come back up. The last time I told her that she’d have to accept it or I’d have to go. Because I can’t live with someone who can’t accept this. And we talked and talked until every little detail was clear to her. And now she accepts it. But it took over a year.
Some relationships are worth that effort, some are not. You are the only one who can say if that’s worth it. Because you can’t get a guarantee that you can get him to understand it, or accept it even if he DOES understand it.
Don’t hesitate to contact me if you want to rant or want to talk some more in detail, or if you think your husband would benefit from talking with someone else with a chronic invisible illness about this.
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References:
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