There it was again…the “F” ball and from a second Doctor no less. I had no idea what this fibromyalgia was but figured I should probably read up on IT. It would have to wait until later.
More importantly, I had to get back to work. Pushed through the fog while dragging my invisible cement blocks, painted my smile on, and headed back in.
Later that night, I sat down (finally) to read up on IT. Wasn’t sure of the spelling, so I started with Fibro, sure enough there it was Fibromyalgia.
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Read through the Mayo Clinic info. Everything was bang on but I knew better. Both Doctors were quite simply mistaken and that was that.
I pushed on…funny how a word becomes part of your life PUSH. I had to push myself to get up in the morning. For that matter, I had to push myself to get up off the couch to go to bed. I had to push myself to get through pretty much anything and everything. The littlest things would zap me.
As each afternoon rolled around, I could hardly walk. My brain was so foggy I could hardly talk (sensibly that is ). My hands had become my enemy. As if burning, aching, and stinging wasn’t enough; they stopped listening to me and kept dropping things. It’s still difficult trying to describe the pain. The best I can come up with is, as the day progressed so would the pain. It would spread until every inch of my skin was hurting.
I had to visit my Doctor way too frequently. Rather than accept the “F” word I started to believe I was becoming a hypochondriac. That I could fix, Fibromyalgia I couldn’t. Every day there was a new pain in a new place. Every night I got less and less sleep.
Then life became unbearable. There was no pleasure, only pain. I had no choice, I finally accepted that I had the “F” word (doesn’t mean I have to say IT). After acceptance, I was able to begin learning how to LIVE with Fibromyalgia.
Every day I am learning to accept that I have limitations. I have to figure out what they are, sometimes the hard way. This month was a major setback, but that’s ok it’s almost over.
As the saying goes….this too shall pass. I’m back on the right path again.
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