I have Fibromyalgia again
I have had Fibromyalgia since mid-2006, acquired during a long bout with a viral infection in my central nervous system. I used Neurontin, Percocet, Cymbalta, and Lyrica in the following 4 years to manage my pain. While on Lyrica I slept a lot and ballooned up like a, well, balloon! I did get off of Percocet, though, and had no pain. Despite that wonderful result, I went off Lyrica and back to Neurontin, using Tramadol and Flexeril for pain. Then it just went to Flexeril, and only when I was working. I had, through diet, exercise, state of mind, what have you, got my Fibro to a pretty manageable place. Life was looking up. I had plans to pursue a master’s degree and was working as a makeup artist more and more. We even decided to get a puppy life was so grand and on such an upswing (plus Yorkie was bored), so we rescued Porkie. And then I entered what one would call a manic phase, although never having been a diagnosed bi-polar, and had 2 strokes centered around the purging of haunting memories of a youth unaddressed. I was put on Prednisone to manage the treatment of the rare and serious Vasculatitis that had caused the strokes and preceded to turn into a complete manic speed freak. That was really interesting. But I had NO pain on Prednisone and I was flexible and could snap-crackle-pop myself into place and my muscles were not tight and painful. I have weaned down and tomorrow I take my last little dose and I am off it. And I can barely move.
I feel like a 27-year-old trapped in the body of a 93-year-old. It hurts just to be. I can barely make it through my morning walks and can hardly stretch, any part of my body is tight and in pain. Just the thought of getting up from a chair was an excruciating vision of screaming feeling. So much damn feeling! I have completely deconditioned, although how I am not sure, and have no stamina and am so constricted and just in freaking pain! It is interesting, this turn of events. This wonderful place life has deposited me again. When I got through the worst of Pancreatitis I had a plan and was going to march forward in my life. Then I got CFS that led to Fibromyalgia and I had to get that monster under wraps. It took everything I had and then just when, once again, I am on the cusp of re-building, I stroke twice. And that bumps me back to the beginning of Fibromyalgia, with a mentality of having just come off some pretty high doses of energy-pumping steroids and a deep and powerful frustration for how many times can one woman start over?
I have faith I will get the mean and ugly Fibro dragon back in her cave, for with all I have been through there is very little that can keep me down. But I am tired of this! I feel like a port city that keeps getting hit with devastating, tragic, and wreckage-producing natural disasters. I just want to feel good again, but have to be patient. I will feel good again, it is just gonna take some time and a lot of work…
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