“Do something every day that scares you”, Eleanor Roosevelt
I have had a difficult year, even being admitted to the hospital for several days with extremely high blood pressure. Now that I’ve settled down somewhat I am beginning to slowly write about my experiences, most of which were caused by extreme anxiety. I am trying to separate myself from what happened as a result of “post-hospitalization syndrome” and rephrase my negative thoughts about myself, thoughts that become almost an obsession and cause my blood pressure to rise as the anxiety escalates.
From winter blood pressure concerns to summer I have now had hand surgery for the carpal tunnel which has necessitated less typing and more sitting still. This helps with dealing with the heat of summer, and as I sit and read I often automatically begin the meditation process in a much more disciplined way. But, those thoughts that arise usually dwell on the past and future rather than the present moment.
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The main thoughts I am trying to reformulate are the ones filled with disgust at myself for hating my body for the way it exposes my fears and anxieties, for not being brave enough to overcome panic attacks as I relive not only recent events but those of my childhood and younger years and frightfully wonder about my future. But, as usual, I go back to my oft-repeated definition of fibromyalgia– it is a malfunctioning of the central nervous system and what to do for it. At this stage of the summer, I can ride my stationary bike and just sit (mindfulness meditation) and read, letting my hands heal and my CNS experience quiet.
Just yesterday I noticed once again the new trend on the covers of at least two magazines: National Geographic and Time that featured Mindfulness. It seems to be everywhere these days and of course, it is usually advised by professionals for those with fibromyalgia. The process is discussed in so many venues and seems simple and easy enough. It isn’t. Especially because of our heightened rambling and fearful thoughts.
The three Rs within the process of mindfulness are: Recognize, Refrain and Relax. Another way of saying this is to recognize one’s thoughts, refrain from indulging in them, and finally LETTING GO and relax, the latter being the most important-not an easy process. Our minds will never be free from thinking but with meditation, we can change our thoughts. Needing to escape from the constant preoccupation with our physical and emotional pain as we sit quietly and practice we would be reflecting on the breathing aspect of our practice in order to bring peace into our lives.
REMEMBER: THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF MINDFULNESS IS LETTING GO.
I hope my old readers will remember me and are not suffering too much from the summer heat or ‘down under’ from the misery of winter.
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