Bruised But Breathing: Because of Trauma, I Often Hate My Body – And That’s My Truth

Some wounds don’t bleed. They don’t show up on skin or in scans. They live beneath the surface, in silence and shame. For many survivors of trauma, one of the hardest, most unspoken struggles is the fractured relationship with their own body. This is mine. Because of trauma, I often hate my body. And that’s not a metaphor. It’s a fact I’ve had to face, over and over again.

The Body Becomes a Battlefield

Trauma changes everything. It hijacks your nervous system, alters your sense of safety, and embeds itself in places you can’t always reach. When the trauma is physical, sexual, or deeply emotional, the body often becomes a source of pain and betrayal. It’s the site of memory. It’s the place where flashbacks live. And for many of us, it becomes something we disconnect from, criticize, or even despise.

For me, the hatred didn’t come all at once. It started subtly. A cringe at the mirror. A harsh word said under my breath. A refusal to wear certain clothes. It grew louder as I began to associate my physical form with everything I had endured. The shame, the fear, the helplessness—it all seemed tied to my skin, my shape, my reflection.

Living in a Body That Doesn’t Feel Like Mine

Dissociation became a survival strategy. It was easier to drift away than to stay grounded in a body that didn’t feel safe. I stopped listening to my hunger cues, I ignored my need for rest. I punished myself with silence, with overworking, with neglect. My body felt like a stranger. And sometimes, it felt like the enemy.

In public, I performed. I smiled. I moved with purpose. But inside, there was a constant tension—a war between needing to appear okay and feeling completely disconnected. Even compliments felt uncomfortable. They didn’t align with how I saw myself or how I felt in my own skin.

The Shame That Trauma Leaves Behind

Trauma doesn’t just hurt. It shames. It convinces you that you’re somehow responsible. That your body caused it, invited it, failed to stop it. That internalized blame becomes a quiet poison. It shows up as loathing, as restriction, as self-sabotage. It whispers lies that your body is damaged, unworthy, unlovable.

This shame runs deep, especially when the trauma happens young or repeatedly. The narrative gets written early—that your body is wrong, too much, not enough. And rewriting that story is one of the hardest, slowest things to do.

The World Doesn’t Make It Easier

We live in a world obsessed with perfection. With flat stomachs and flawless skin. With endless comparisons and curated images. For someone already battling internal hatred, the pressure to “fix” your body can feel like suffocation.

Well-meaning advice—love yourself, embrace your curves, find confidence—can feel hollow when you’re still carrying the weight of old wounds. Body positivity isn’t a switch you flip. For trauma survivors, it’s a long, uneven road.

Learning to Reclaim What Was Taken

Healing doesn’t always look like love. Sometimes, it starts with tolerance. With treating your body like it deserves kindness, even when your mind doesn’t agree. I began with basics. Drinking water. Stretching. Wearing clothes that didn’t trigger discomfort. Breathing into parts of me I used to ignore.

Therapy helped me name the connections between my trauma and my body image. It gave me tools to process grief, anger, and guilt. Slowly, I began to see my body not as the enemy but as the survivor. The one who carried me through every breakdown. The one who never gave up, even when I did.

Moments of Peace, Not Perfection

I don’t wake up loving my body. Most days, I still struggle. But I’ve found peace in moments. In being able to take a deep breath, In appreciating movement, In seeing scars as proof of endurance, not shame. In allowing rest without punishment.

I’ve learned that self-worth doesn’t have to depend on how I look. That value comes from existing, from feeling, from showing up. My body is not perfect. But it is mine. And even in hatred, I’ve found glimpses of compassion.

Why Talking About This Matters

This conversation is uncomfortable. But it’s necessary. So many people walk around carrying this quiet hatred, thinking they’re alone. They’re not. Trauma affects body image in profound ways. And the more we speak up, the less isolated we all feel.

We need space for honesty. For grief. For messy, imperfect healing. We need to stop telling survivors to just love themselves and start holding space for what it means to live in a body marked by trauma.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why does trauma affect body image?
Trauma disrupts the body-mind connection, often leading to feelings of shame, blame, or alienation from one’s own physical form. Survivors may associate their body with pain, vulnerability, or violation.

Is it normal to feel disconnected from your body after trauma?
Yes. Many survivors experience dissociation or avoidance as coping mechanisms. It’s a way to protect the self from overwhelming emotions, but it can lead to long-term struggles with body image.

How can someone begin healing their relationship with their body?
Healing starts with small acts of care. Gentle movement, mindfulness, therapy, and supportive relationships can help rebuild trust in your body over time.

Can therapy help with body hatred caused by trauma?
Absolutely. Trauma-informed therapy can help unpack the root causes of body image struggles and provide strategies for healing and self-compassion.

What should I do if I feel overwhelmed by self-hatred?
Reach out. Whether it’s a therapist, support group, or trusted person, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Your feelings are valid, and support is available.

Is body acceptance possible after trauma?
Yes, though it may take time and patience. Acceptance doesn’t mean constant love—it means respecting your body’s right to exist, to heal, and to be treated with care.

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