Why I’m Retiring From Advocacy as a Queer, Disabled Survivor of Abuse

There comes a time in every journey when continuing forward no longer feels brave — it feels like survival without self. For years, I poured my energy, heart, and lived experience into advocacy. I fought to be seen, to make space for others, to speak truths that were too often buried under the weight of silence. I showed up in rooms that weren’t built for me, demanded access, and shared my story so others might feel less alone.

But now, I’m stepping away. Not because the fight is over, and certainly not because I’ve run out of things to say. I’m retiring from advocacy as a queer, disabled survivor of abuse because the cost has grown heavier than the reward. And I need to choose myself again — this time not as a symbol, but as a whole person who deserves rest, softness, and healing that doesn’t require a spotlight.

The Hidden Labor of Being Visible

Advocacy, especially from lived experience, is more than public speaking or writing articles. It is emotional labor, unpaid consultation, constant performance, and perpetual vulnerability. It is reliving trauma in hopes that it will change someone else’s behavior, policies, or understanding. It is answering the same questions again and again, even when your body is in pain, even when your heart is heavy.

As a disabled person, I often had to fight just to access the very spaces I was asked to improve. As a queer individual, I had to explain myself before I could even be heard. And as a survivor, I was asked for my story more than my insight. The line between advocacy and exploitation blurred too often. I gave and gave, until I had little left for myself.

When Advocacy Becomes a Cage

What once felt like freedom — the ability to tell my story — started to feel like confinement. I became boxed in by expectations. I had to be articulate, strong, inspirational. I had to offer solutions, not just pain. I had to stay on brand, remain accessible, and be ready for scrutiny from every direction. My humanity became content.

I was afraid to be messy. I worried about saying the wrong thing or not representing every intersection of my identity perfectly. I became a symbol, and in doing so, lost the ability to simply be. Advocacy made me visible, but it also made me small in a new way — always representing, never just existing.

The Emotional Weight of Representation

There’s a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from holding up the world of others while your own world feels like it’s crumbling. Every message from someone newly diagnosed, newly traumatized, or newly coming out carried the hope that I would have answers, encouragement, or guidance.

But I am not a therapist. I am not a crisis line. I am not a limitless well of hope.

Some days, I was barely holding myself together. Yet I felt obligated to respond, to show up, to post something uplifting because others needed it. There’s power in being a voice, but there’s also pain in becoming everyone’s source of strength while your own strength quietly fades.

Disability and the Limits of Capacity

My body has been screaming for years. Chronic pain, fatigue, sensory overwhelm — they are not metaphors. They are my daily reality. And still, I pushed through to attend panels, write calls to action, and respond to injustice in real time.

But my body isn’t just a vehicle for advocacy. It is a place that deserves gentleness, not just resilience. I’ve ignored its needs in service of the greater good. I’ve missed rest, delayed care, and sacrificed quiet in the name of urgency. That urgency never ends. And if I keep ignoring my limits, neither will my suffering.

Choosing Myself Without Apology

Retiring from advocacy isn’t giving up. It’s choosing a new kind of courage. The courage to prioritize my wellness over performance. To be present in my personal life, without feeling pulled by digital crises. To create, to rest, to live — not for applause, not for activism, but simply for myself.

I want to write poetry, not policy statements. I want to spend days without justifying my existence. I want to reclaim my identity from public consumption and learn what it feels like to belong to myself again.

Letting Go With Love

I hold no bitterness for the community I’ve loved and fought for. There are brilliant, fierce advocates continuing the work, and I cheer them on with a full heart. But I no longer want to be a public face of pain. I want to be more than what I survived.

I don’t owe visibility to anyone. My story doesn’t stop just because it’s no longer public. I am still growing, still healing, still living in alignment with my values — just more privately now. That too is a radical act.

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FAQs About Retiring From Advocacy as a Queer, Disabled Survivor of Abuse

Is stepping away from advocacy selfish?
No. Taking care of your health, boundaries, and well-being is essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and stepping back is often necessary for true healing.

Can you still make an impact without public advocacy?
Absolutely. Impact happens in quiet ways — through relationships, community care, mentorship, and living authentically.

Why do so many advocates burn out?
Because the work is emotionally demanding, often unpaid, and involves personal vulnerability. Systemic change is slow, while the personal cost is immediate.

Will you return to advocacy one day?
Maybe. But not in the way I once did. If I return, it will be on my own terms, with boundaries that protect my peace and center my humanity.

How can people support former advocates like you?
By respecting their choice to step back, not pressuring them to stay engaged, and supporting them as full people, not just public figures.

What’s next after retiring from advocacy?
Healing. Creativity. Joy. A life that belongs to me. That’s what I’m reaching for now.

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Final Thoughts

Why I’m retiring from advocacy as a queer, disabled survivor of abuse isn’t because I stopped caring. It’s because I started caring for myself. I gave the world my story. Now, I am giving myself the space to write new ones — ones not shaped by survival, but by freedom.

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